Sometimes, when it is dark and I close my eyes, I am a child again...
I am supposed to be asleep as I have school tomorrow but I am too busy wondering. I lie in my bed and imagine; not about the things some children imagine, but rather about my place in the universe and sphere of time.
Why was I born when I was born and where I was born?
What if I had been given a different name? (I was given two names by two parents and have answered to both all of my life but I mean a different name from those two names.)
Would I be a different person? My answer is always yes.
I wonder about how every little moment in the past leads to the present and the future. I imagine the lives of people I do not know. I do not think that at this young age I am thinking so much "ancestors" as people who came before the world as I know it: two parents,
three aunts, an uncle,
a couple of great-aunts, and, until the age of ten, a great-grandmother.
I see people from a long time ago:people with horses and wagons.
- not cars, trains, or airplanes. They are moving purposefully through their lives as if they know where they belong and with whom they belong.
Every step is choreographed to an end result which is me and now.
So many choices are made! If just one thing is changed:one chance meeting or one decision to go or to stay do I disappear?